November 10, 2008

Discovery: Non-functional escalators make me dizzy.

Event: Earlier today, I was forced to walk up a non-functional escalator. In theory, the always-forgotten, never thanked, heavenly, automagical steps should become just another stair case when not operational. Physically, this is true. However, I ride a few escalators every day due to my commute requiring me to take the Tunnel to and from work, and I’ve found that whenever going up or down a non-functioning escalator, I become increasingly dizzy.

Theory: Even though no one else has shared this experience, I know its true. I believe its because of the vertical lines that are ingrained within the escalator steps and because of the large width of the steps, which causes an abnormal walking pattern.

Implications: Don’t walk up non-functioning escalators while intoxicated or carrying live animals. Those lacking in sobriety will only lose additional use of their motors skills, while those carrying live animals likely will not be able to complete both tasks at the same time. Specific animals to be wary of while in this situation: snakes, panda cubs (they might sneeze, and you’d likely miss it), and babies (especially if they can talk).